


How to Become a Secret Agent (and not go mad): a Guide by Iwaizumi Hajime

by Szeherezada



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, College AU, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memes, Multi, Some Swearing, and a lot of friendship, attempts at humor, because friendship is important, but it's pretty obvious with Makki Mattsun Kuroo Bokuto and Tendou I think, i don't want to spoil too much so i'll add more tags later, oh and I'm probably less funny than I think I am so, okay so there will be more characters and possibly pairings as the story will go, secret agent AU, some action too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szeherezada/pseuds/Szeherezada
Summary: Hajime loved the kind of peacefulness when he was sipping Brazilian coffee in the quiet office of his boss with his mission partner, being praised for well-done task. He loved the pure satisfaction and the feeling that he'd done something important, and he couldn't be more proud of himself.Hajime loved the fact that he could have his loved ones by his side and protect them, unlikeMen in Black, which he’d watched with his boyfriends countless times. Even if it wasn’t easy to keep his secrets, the safety of his beloved ones would always be a priority for him.Hajime loved his boyfriends: Tooru's brown eyes and the way they’d always light up with happiness when he came home; Takahiro's pale hands, always warm and doting; Issei's lips, soft, so often curving into a smile that made Hajime's knees weak. The amount of love he had for these three boys could only be surpassed by the strength of their bond and the trust that linked them together.What Hajime didn't know was that when life offered him something big, he should have read the fine print in the contract.Because it looks like he can have only two of these things, or nothing at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Jak Zostać Tajnym Agentem (i nie zwariować) - poradnik autorstwa Iwaizumiego Hajime](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10141118) by [Szeherezada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szeherezada/pseuds/Szeherezada). 



Iwaizumi dove to the ground, only dodging the bullet by some sort of miracle. If it had reached him, he would have dropped dead on the spot, brains splashed on the walls.

He carefully leaned out from behind the cover of the car and noticed the attacker. Without hesitation, he aimed. In the next second, his opponent fell to the ground with a dull thud. The man didn’t even have time to yell, groan, or make any other noise, and, after a short moment, blood began to slowly pool around his body.

Iwaizumi felt like something substantial had settled in his stomach, and for a moment it was hard to breathe. Had he killed that man? Probably. Or maybe he was just severely injured. To be honest, Iwaizumi wasn’t sure where he had hit his enemy. Because of the wound on his own arm, his hands were shaking. At this distance, every twitch mattered.

Anyway, he’d only eliminated one guy. He needed to find a hideout and try contacting headquarters again, because he didn't stand a chance against so many opponents.

“Alpha Nine to Alpha Zero, over,” he called. Previous attempts had came to naught.

This time an answer was immediate. Michimiya’s voice came crackling over earpiece: “Alpha Zero to Alpha Nine, over.”

He had never been so glad to hear her!

“Alpha Zero, backup would be nice, over,” he replied quickly, eyeing his location for any potential hideouts. While doing so, he cautiously avoided looking at the body lying on the ground.

He really couldn’t stay in this place too long. Someone had probably heard the shot and would be here any moment now… and they would kill Iwaizumi without any mercy. The adrenaline pulsing through his veins filled his ears with a roaring sound, and he barely heard Michimiya informing him that headquarters had tracked him down and were sending reinforcements. He replied affirmatively and kept looking for somewhere he could bunker down in.

The warehouse he was in didn’t help at all because it was big and nearly empty. Except for an armored cabinet with padlocked doors, and the abandoned van that Iwaizumi was hiding behind, there was nothing here. Just bare metal walls without any windows.

Iwaizumi didn’t really have any other choice, so he got up from the ground wearily, leaned out discreetly over a rusty hood of the car, and scanned the area. No one was there yet. He could still leave the hangar.

He ran, gun held close to his side the whole time, to a massive door and pushed it open. Almost no one was outside, but two guards stood several dozens meters away. Fortunately, they had theirs backs to him. Seizing the opportunity, Iwaizumi quietly scampered away and hid among a number of cars parked nearby. Then, silently as possible, he climbed onto a crate in one of the trucks. He leaned against the driver's cabin, trying to catch his breath.

No, just no. As soon as he gets home, he’s done with this line of work. This will be his last job. He’s got some pretty significant savings in his account because his agency tried to compensate for the risk conditions with a large salary, so luckily, he wouldn’t even have to look for a new place of work right away. Finishing this job means the end of gunfights, hand-to-hand combats with criminals, and risking his life. Just the end.

Seriously.

Fuck.

Who did he try to fool there? Has he lied so often lately that it was now natural for him to deceive even himself (because of the lack of relationships with other people)? After all, it wasn’t the first time he had decided that same promise to himself! “I’ll resign from this sort of work tomorrow!” Yeah right, that was just a statement. He loved this job too much just to stop.

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but hiss, the adrenaline in his veins had faded, leaving his arm throbbing, a persistent reminder about his wound.

“Alpha Eleven to Alpha Nine, over.” This time it was Kuroo. It was clear that he was breathing heavily, so either he just kicked some butt, or it was one of their earpieces. There was also the chance, of course, that Kuroo was injured, but Iwaizumi didn’t want to consider that.

“Alpha Nine to Alpha Eleven, over.”

“Alpha Nine, where are you? Over.”

Iwaizumi looked around, scrupulously trying to locate marker objects on this area’s map, which he’d learned by heart before the mission. Glancing at the compass on his watch, he checked that his assumptions were correct.

“Alpha Eleven, the quad behind cans. It’s colder here than in zone A3, over,” he informed, using code.

_The square behind the hangars, north of zone A3._

“Roger that, I’ll be there in a moment. Alpha Eleven to Alpha Nine, over and out.”

Uplifted by his exchange with Kuroo, Iwaizumi sighed and focused on his injury. The gunshot wound had scraped past the inside of his upper arm. Luckily, it wasn’t too deep, but it had torn skin and the blood flowed freely from the mauled flesh. After closer examination, Iwaizumi breathed a sigh of relief. The kevlar from his bulletproof vest wasn’t close enough to his injury to melt into muscle tissue due to the heat of the bullet. It wouldn’t be too easy for the doctors to cut out this fragment of his body.

He pulled out a bandage from a small pocket in his belt and, using his teeth, wrapped it tightly around the wound. Blood soaked through the cloth pretty fast, but it would suffice for the moment. He’d just have to wait for backup a little longer.

The moment of pause gave Iwaizumi time to think. He really couldn’t withdraw from his line of work, after all, and especially not from this job. Not when the situation was so severe. For the first time, it wasn’t just about him and his co-workers, or the higher purpose of stopping criminals. Now, Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa were in danger, not to mention the loved ones of Bokuto and his other fellow agents. Iwaizumi hadn’t had the opportunity to meet all these people, but his own boyfriends were the most important.

At this moment, it didn’t matter that the last time they had all seen each other, they had had a serious fight, where they’d accused him of cheating and not loving them anymore. At least, however you looked at it, they had reasons to think that, even if it wasn’t true. Iwaizumi had, after all, neglected them by devoting himself to his job and forgetting what was actually most important. When he rescues them – not if, but when – and they tell him that they want to break up with him, Iwaizumi will understand. He won’t be mad. If anything, he’d only be angry at himself, and even more so than now. Will it hurt him to let them go? Fuck, of course. But he won’t blame them for their decision. He doesn’t have the right to. It was indisputably his fault, and he’d fucked up so bad that it was probably impossible to make things worse.

Now, they were in danger because of him. And when Iwaizumi imagined their frightened, bloodied faces, ice-cold claws of fear clutched his heart. Dread enveloped him; he felt chills running up his spine and his anxious thoughts brought up even worse images. Closing his eyes only aggravated the situation, because then he saw even more clearly the pale, almost snow-white face of Oikawa, Hanamaki’s eyes, empty and no longer sparkling with life, and Matsukawa, a gaping red hole in his chest, where his beating heart should be...

He snapped himself out of it, shaking his head. Now was not the time for thoughts like these.

Iwaizumi focused his eyes on the hangar he’d left, taking deep, slow breaths, trying to ignore the blood pounding in his head. It was so intense that it felt like his arteries would burst at any moment with the pressure. He didn’t know what exactly was making his heart beat so fast – adrenaline? Or the panic from his dark thoughts? Either way, he had to focus, or he would make an easy target for his enemies.

There were voices coming in over the radio network now, and they helped him calm down.

“Alpha Two to Alpha Zero, over.” Iwaizumi recognized Bokuto’s voice.

_Well, well, well,_ he thought to himself, _It’s probably since this mission has so much at stake that everyone is so indisputably and strictly adhering to the code._

Then, after a few seconds, different voice came up, one that Iwaizumi only recognized by name.

“Alpha Thirteen, how far from zone B1 are you? Over.”

And eventually–

“Alpha Eleven to Alpha Nine, over,” said Kuroo.

“Alpha Nine to Alpha Eleven, over,” he replied, making contact.

“Alpha Nine, I’m in zone A3, over.” Anticipation filled his voice clearly. A wordless question. _Where exactly are you?_

Iwaizumi remembered an old lecture about safety during communication. _Your hotline can be overheard by the enemy. If you can’t say where you are, tell crisp vague information, out of context, containing a keyword._ He didn’t know if the rules were different or the same in the army and here, but he conscientiously kept to them anyway.

Cars… A means of transport, some sort of vehicle, preferably a ground one, so that his message wouldn’t be too confusing… Motorcycles, trams…

“Alpha Nine,” Kuroo barked, “Requesting communication, over!”

“Alpha Eleven, I’m waiting for the train, do you copy? Over.”

For a moment there was a silence in the earphone, and Iwaizumi prayed inwardly that Kuroo understood his clue.

“Roger, Alpha Nine. Save me a spot in the compartment, over,” said Kuroo.

_Secure the area for me._

Iwaizumi peered over the edges of the crates and looked around carefully. Besides the two guards, he also noticed three west of him and five southeast. They were walking back and forth around a small area, but it looked like they didn’t sense any danger or were on alert for the Organization because they walked in a relaxed fashion, chatting amongst themselves. Some of them didn’t even hold their weapon and just had it hooked on their belts.

“Alpha Eleven, you’re not the only one eager to travel, over,” he warned.

“Alpha Zero to all agents, over,” joined new voice. Just after it there came an avalanche of answers.

“Alpha Two to Alpha Zero, over.”

“Alpha Thirteen to Alpha Zero, over.”

“Alpha Twenty to Alpha Zero, over.”

“Alpha Eleven to Alpha Zero, over,” Kuroo spoke too.

“Alpha Nine to Alpha Zero, over,” added Iwaizumi eventually.

“Alpha Zero to all agents, backup is here. Sector gamma. Over.”

Sector gamma. It covered zones marked with the letter c, on the opposite side of the territory. Dammit, a small squad would be helpful here! There was no way he’d make it past all these guards on his own. Or…

Not half a minute later all the guards – including every single one in Iwaizumi’s area – got an order and hurriedly headed south.

Iwaizumi smirked.

Any team from the Organization was dangerous enough that guards would definitely be put on edge, but the Support was so big that even guards from here were delegated to their location to fight – and that meant Iwaizumi could boldly assume that practically the whole area would be clear. Probably a few individuals were left in the most important places, but it wouldn’t be a significant obstacle for trained agents like him.

Iwaizumi didn’t count on encountering anything else (his voice of reason reminded him he should still be careful) because previous runs against the two brothers, the head bosses of this particular opposing organization, had one major thing at their disposal. It wasn’t cleverness, a strategist’s intellect, or even charisma, but merely the contents of a full bank account. Well, there was also their massive overconfidence in the belief that sheer numbers can replace quality. A stupid opinion, really.

Just as Iwaizumi drew up himself up to leave his spot, he heard hurried footsteps on the damp concrete. Iwaizumi dropped back in his crouch and tensed, ready for a possible fight.

Someone was running. Was it Kuroo? Or an enemy?

After a few seconds, a shadow crossed Iwaizumi’s line of sight. The silhouette stopped, breathing heavily.

“Alpha Eleven to Alpha Nine, over,” Iwaizumi heard. He breathed a sigh of relief. Not only did the voice come from his earpiece, it was also a few meters away from him.

“Took you long enough,” Iwaizumi said, jumping off the crate and landing right in front of Kuroo.

The sight of his friend comforted him. Even though Kuroo was dirty, covered in mud and blood (his blood? or someone else’s?), and his hair was an even bigger mess than usual, his eyes shone with determination past the bruises and scratches. And, it was probably impossible to wipe out that annoying grin of his. Kuroo emanated calm and self-confidence. Still, he wouldn’t need a weapon in his hand to look menacing to any enemy.

“You could have given me a lift, then,” he said, putting a hand over his heart as if hurt. He was kind of convincing, but Iwaizumi knew Oikawa, and Kuroo’s mock hurt was no match for those theatrics.

_Oikawa. Hanamaki. Matsukawa. You have to save them, Iwaizumi, prepare yourself for that. Don’t die meanwhile. Focus on the mission._

What was Kuroo saying? Ah, yes, he was being an idiot again.

“Don’t grin like that. When you’re covered in blood like that, you look like a psychopath straight out of dumb old horror movie,” said Iwaizumi.

Kuroo gasped, outraged, but then he shook his head, as if with resignation.

“Why are you so full of hostility, my dear, not-so-tall, grumpy friend? Why?”

At the mention of his height, Iwaizumi gave Kuroo an irritated death glare, but Kuroo didn’t look intimidated at all. It was the opposite, to be honest – noticing Iwaizumi’s tiny pout, he grinned with so much superiority and satisfaction that one might believe he had just won a million dollars. But before Iwaizumi could murder him with his bare hands, Kuroo added:

“There’s absolutely no one here. Should we take some people for backup and invade their headquarters, loverboy?”

Iwaizumi really wanted to hit him but at the same time, he might just hug him. How many times had Kuroo kept his cool during a mission, being his fucking, overwhelmingly annoying self? Iwaizumi would never admit it, but Kuroo’s attitude was one of the more steadfast elements in his life. It reassured him to know that even now, when his whole world was crumbling around him, Iwaizumi still could count on Kuroo’s trashy personality as a poor substitute of stability.

He nodded in agreement. “We should take advantage of–”

Iwaizumi didn’t even have a chance to finish his sentence because there was a metallic clang, then a hissing sound from behind him as the air clouded with a gnawing smoke. At the same moment, Kuroo pulled his arm with so much force he nearly tripped.

“Run!”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

A smoke bomb. Someone had to have thrown it, which meant they weren’t alone. How could they have both missed that? Fuck!

_Don’t die, you have to save them and make sure they’re safe and sound._

A second later, a grenade flew toward them. The color marker meant that this one wasn’t the smoking type. Kuroo and Iwaizumi dove forwards.

The air shook with a deafening boom, and wave of heat pressed up against their backs. They rolled out of their dive, got up and kept running, not looking back once. Iwaizumi’s ears were filled with an unrelenting, screaming pitch.

_Don’t die, you have to save them._

The next explosion didn’t throw them off of their feet, but Kuroo stumbled and had to press his hands against the ground in order to keep his balance.

Adrenaline flowed through their veins, blood pulsing in their heads, muscles and lungs screaming in pain for even half a minute of rest, just to catch their breath, because you need more oxygen; your heart can’t keep up; do you feel it thumping in your chest; do you hear the jackhammer pounding of your pulse in your ears?

At this moment Iwaizumi couldn’t believe that there was a time where this wasn’t his reality; that he was just a boy starting to enter adulthood.

How had it all started? Because of trivial reasons. Because Iwaizumi hadn’t really known what he wanted to study, and Oikawa hated that his hair poofed like cotton candy if it wasn’t dried with a hair dryer after washing. Well, he could also blame it on their unhealthy addiction to coffee, especially when writing essays.

Who could’ve seen that that was how Iwaizumi would end up here, how he had jumped in headfirst into this line of work?

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But then again, it’s a long story...

**Author's Note:**

> Idea for this fic was stuck in my head for quite a long time. I'm still writing it, btw and tbh I'm posting prologue to gain some motivation to write this fic.  
> Originally in Polish, translated by me with a help of [asexualsil](http://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualsil/pseuds/asexualsil). Beta by [cara1317](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cara1317/pseuds/cara1317).  
> Thanks to you both, you're amazing! ❤  
> By the way, I can't tell when will I post the first chapter. The problem is - I wrote detailed plan for this fic and it's supossed to be 12 chapters + prologue + epilogue (and maybe some bonus??), but I'm halfway the first chapter and it's almost 29k words long now, so I'm not sure what to do. I might divide it in parts, but Idk if I should finish first chapter and then translate these parts or to translate it now, even if the whole chapter isn't done yet. The big problem is also the fact that I have final exams in May, so I should focus on studying.  
> Tl;dr: At this moment I can't tell you when will I post the first chapter, but I promise I'll do it!


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